I got backstabbed by an ex-colleague recently, which really stunned me.

People tell me it’s normal, and very common even, to be backstabbed by colleagues. Maybe I’ve been fortunate, for not having encountered much of it before. Sure, there has been gossip about the Boy and I, and one of my colleagues has even commented that I’m “technically not a woman” (not sure what is the basis of his conclusion), but those were speculations and personal opinions, which, however misguided or otherwise, they are entitled to express.

This was the first time that someone has maliciously lied about me to another person who had asked him for his opinion on my work performance/ethics. I had had an interview with a couple of guys from the company where this ex-colleague (let’s call him B for “Batard”, a french equivalent of a similar English word) now works (he joined the company just a couple of months ago), and my interviewers had asked him about me. The gist of what he said was that I’m “lazy and care more about going to the gym than working”. I’m particularly shocked because, although I don’t think he’s particularly bright, nor do I like him much as a person (different personalities), I have always been polite/civil to him, especially after I discovered we had common friends. And when he got fired from my team, I even put him in contact with one head-hunter that I was in touch with, just because I thought, well, if I can do something that can help him in his time of need that doesn’t cost me much (it’s true he’s competing in a job market that I would have liked to explore as well, but given he had no job and I had one, I didn’t Need a new job as much as he did, despite being depressed by my job). So, while I’ve never been super nice to him, I’ve always been decent to him, and arguably rather nicer to him than otherwise. And therefore, I was completely shocked that he would slander me thus! WTF… why would he do that?!

I moved to defend myself. I had my performance review on Friday, and the review was very good, despite my manager disliking me and downplaying my strengths. I am thankful that he was fair enough to quote verbatim some of my reviewers’ comments, which were rather more glowing and hyperbolic than I am used to, but mostly representative of the good work I have consistently produced historically (even if recognition has come belatedly, at a lag of about a year). Among other things, there were comments on how super hard-working I am (truer in the rather more distant than recent past), how amazingly motivated I am (my motivation has nose-dived since I was unfairly abused at my last review a year ago), the “state-of-the-art” work I have produced(that speaks for itself, surely.. I’m a junior investment banker, not a rocket scientist), and how helpful I have been to the juniors. I scanned a copy of my review, and sent it to my interviewers. The ideal outcome, would be for the interviewers to be impressed with my review, and invite me to the next round(s) and for me to eventually get the job. That would be B’s greatest nightmare probably. But if that doesn’t happen, I would be happy if B was discredited, or this plants seeds of doubts in the interviewers’ minds about his motives, or even if they don’t conclude that he is a lying back-stabbing b*stard, that he looks at least a little bit stupid and their opinion of his judgement (of character, investments as well as, hopefully, general judgement) dims a little.

There’s a Chinese saying “井水不犯河水”Well water does not offend river water” or “well water does not intrude upon river water”). I generally subscribe to that doctrine, and he should do so too. He should just mind his own business and not be hostile against me. I’m usually pretty relaxed. But if attacked, I will defend myself.