i haven’t written much the last 2.5 years. it’s kind of difficult when you share a small space with someone else (the Boy) and have one main table where the computers and laptops are at. and i don’t really writing when someone is sitting right next to me. i’d get the niggling feeling that he’s peeping over at what i do – the periodic quick glance over to check that i’m alright which probably doesn’t allow him to register anything i write, but still disconcerts me. he’s welcome to read this little project of mine, but i don’t think he’s ever done so, except for an old 2002 entry in another site that i accidentally googled once and showed him because it was a laugh. he said he prefers to give me my own space. in any case, even if reads the finished product, i still don’t like him (or anyone) looking at me when i’m actually in the process of writing it.

it doesn’t particularly help either that my life is simultaneously mundane and a whirlwind of constant activity. mundane because, apart from holidays to (sometimes) exotic places, which i live, breathe, and work for, my life is set in a somewhat monotonous routine: 80% of waking hours consumed by work, french class on saturday mornings, pole class once a week (up to 5 hours a day on saturdays in the last month!), climbing on sundays, shopping, meeting friends, watching online TV, watching movies. hardly the stuff of novels. nonetheless, despite the relative monotony of my life, the Boy is always complaining that i’m always rushing from one place to another such that i don’t have time to breathe, and i’m almost invariably late for every appointment. i have this need to pack everything into the little time i have free, because i never know when i’ll be busy again… a sad side-effect of my work. and besides, because i have only one life (ie. can remember only one life), i’m always afraid i’m not living it to the fullest. i have lists of things-to-do-before-i-die, and i just want to make sure i do the best i can to squeeze every last drop of experience and enjoyment out of this life. which sometimes get me anxious and gasping for breath as i try to fit it all in. silly i know, but it’s the only way i know how to deal with the meaninglessness that is this life. (a post for another day)

so anyway, after a lengthy preamble, this post was actually to update about my new work place. i’ve been there for just about a month now. i’m still being relatively cautious, still having my feelers out and trying to get a sense of the political landscape and winds. the people, on the face it, seem nice and and pretty funny so far. i have the fortune of having a friend i like and trust in this new company. he’s beloved by the partners, and by the ‘veteran’ juniors (ie. those who have been here > 6 months. and yes, the turnover is shockingly high). so i get goodwill credit, certainly from the juniors, on his account. not quite so sure about the seniors, especially because i’m quite shy and not the kind to s*ck up to seniors, or to even appear to do so. one of the girls also really likes me because i’m a fellow chinese and can speak mandarin to her. another peer, who’s generally considered very serious and a bit of a buzz-kill, sits in front of me, and has warmed up to me after some time. it probably helps that he’s BBC with malaysian parents, and i’m very cheeky, irreverent, and ride. we tease each other a lot and he takes sh!t from me that (i get the sense from others’ reactions) that he doesn’t usually take. and so i get along really well with him and another new-ish junior who works a lot with him. and, on account of it being december (a slow-ish time), and the new-ish junior being french with the usual french sensibilities, we’ve actually had a couple of sit-down lunches out of the office in a more relaxed atmosphere, which has been great. the new lebanese guy who joined just the week before i did has been relatively friendly too, although it’s probably just because he’s new and looking for allies. so i have warm/good relations with a large proportion of the office, with some blank spots. and there’s only one guy who i think i would dislike intensely. but for now, it’s been okay so far. all my peers and juniors are pretty interesting characters. strong and colourful personalities, is how i would describe them. i’m not sure it would be easy to *work* with them, but it’s certainly entertaining and fun to hang out with them so far. i’ve had fun and laughed quite a bit this christmas season at work. which is very different from how it would have been in my old team and work place. when i imagine how it would’ve been like, i shudder. i would’ve been zombie-like and depressed, struggling to smile and appear festive with the troops, because i know how poisonous the atmosphere was, how much b*tching, moaning, and backstabbing was going on. whereas here, although i’m slightly on alert, i’m laughing and joking and feel like i can connect with some people. i just hope i don’t get disillusioned and find out there’s lots of office politics and backstabbing. especially not to me… *sad face**sniffs* although the work culture is annoying, with everyone being expected to work all the time, even on holiday.

nonetheless, for now, i’ll keep my fingers crossed, and hope for a happy year ahead at work.