A couple of weeks after the Little Bug was born, the Boy commented that he felt relieved that I was more maternal than he had expected.

I think he said that because of the efforts I made to breastfeed. Before the baby was born, I had told myself that I would try to breastfeed, but that if it was too painful or too difficult, I would just bottle feed and won’t unduly pressure myself or beat myself up about it.

As it turned out, it was very painful and difficult for me, but I struggled through it anyway, which is why I think the Boy thought I was more maternal than he expected.

Late last week, after a crisis with the Little Bug, I asked the Boy if he has maintained his view of my maternal instincts, now that more time has gone by.

He said that usually I’m quite maternal – much more maternal than he expected (albeit, he qualified, from a very low base). But sometimes, I’m not maternal at all. So, on average, I’m a bit more maternal than he had expected.

So, this crisis with the Little Bug was precipitated when he started crying persistently as I was trying to put him down, post-feed and swaddled, for his first night sleep (from ~7pm). I tried bouncing him, cuddling him, rocking him in his Moses basket, patting him, put on his favourite the “Freeway” noise (his favourite sleep crutch), and nothing was working. The thing is, I can’t stand the sound of children / babies’ persistent crying. It gives me a headache. And that day, I had already started off with a headache. So I sent increasingly hysterical texts and emails the Boy to come back home ASAP while he was getting takeaway for dinner. I was getting so stressed that I really felt tempted to take a walk to calm myself down. But I just – barely – kept a grip on myself and stayed home with the kid until the Boy came back.

Thankfully, it seems that the Little Buddy is coming towards the end of of his 4th developmental leap, so he has become progressively calmer and sunnier, which makes me a happier mum too.