I was walking to our nearby high street withdraw cash for the cleaner’s visit today when I realised that my neighbourhood is not terribly safe.

I’ve been living in the neighbourhood for 5 years now, so perhaps this really shouldn’t be new news to me. And in fact, when AJ mentioned in the past that the walk from one of our tube stations to our flat was unsafe, I’ve always kind of dismissed it. Because I’m so used to walking that short stretch of road, usually with AJ and the kids, even if it does go past a slightly dodgy park, and past a new-build social housing estate that had a SWAT team surrounding it a few months back (might have been a drug bust?).

But I think that’s because I’ve always known that AJ and the kids are part of the picture. If I’m with AJ, it’s obviously fine, because potential attackers might think twice about attacking a woman with a man in the picture. And I think even the kids confer a kind of safety, because I think most criminals would prefer not to attack a mother accompanied by children.

Now that I will be spending more time alone going forward – AJ is moving, and the kids will spend half their time with him – I think observant folks (which is probably everyone else but me! But definitely criminals are likely to fall into this category) will notice this, and potentially target me. Or at least consider targeting me. Which means I need to up my vigilance, and spatial awareness. I can no longer walk around with the full confidence that London is safe, which I’ve generally felt for most parts of my life here, except for a handful of times.

I’ll need to go back to constantly scanning my surroundings subtly, walking across the street when I see someone remotely dodgy, the way I used to do as a 7-year-old, RM1.70 in hand, walking to the coffee shop at the end of the street to order my daily lunch when my parents were out work: “One char kuay teow, ta pau (takeaway). With chilli, no si ham (cockles)”.

Which is what I found myself doing today on the way to withdrawing cash and back.