My athletic New Year’s resolutions are not going well because I’ve sustained a bunch of injuries (shoulder, hip, and wrist) and which means that I’ve been advised: i) to avoid heavy weights and overhead arm movements (hence I’ve modified my WB / thrusters workout), ii) ideally not to run for 2 weeks (or if I insist on running, then restrict my running to maximum of 5km per session, and leave 48 hours between each session), iii) not to do deep squat or lunge movements (there goes my lunge and WB / thruster workouts), iv) do more stretching and bunch of rehab exercises and to gradually “reload”.

I’m feeling a bit frustrated about having to cut back training ahead of my first race this calendar year. But I guess net it’s not the worst thing on the planet because it is not an important race. Nonetheless it will be good to get a better time than my last pro doubles race.

The rest of the gym crew (and this was literally every one but me and those who are not in the country, and then some!) went for a collective ‘DIY’ gym session. I felt a bit melancholic and a pang of FOMO. Reflecting on it, I commented to the kids that sometimes we just have to things go, or let people go. We can’t always control things in life, but we can control our reactions to them, we can control our time, and sometimes we have to accept that people let us go, or we have to let people go. O commented: “Mama, you sound sad. Who let you go? Is it Auntie H?” I chuckled and said, no not Auntie H, and said: “But we never let family go. I’ll never let you go!” And I hugged him.

I think it’s deeply unfair and unkind of some people to be aggressive, rude, and throwing shit at me, claiming I’m crazy, and dramatic, when I have a lot going on, I have real problems (not imaginary ones), and no, nothing is simple for me, because I have constraints. And comparing their behaviour to MHH who is so kind, and offers actual, tangible help, and zero drama and overthinking.

If people don’t see you for who you are, refuse to see you for who you are, then sometimes the right thing to do is to let them go, let the potential go. Because we live with the reality, not the potential. If people don’t care enough to invest, to learn, and to see who you are, the person beyond the cardboard cutout that are your basic statistics, and what an absolute gift that is, then they are simply not worth it. No matter how strong the potential. Because the potential will never be realised.

MHH came over after training with ‘Donut’ to help build O’s bed. They spent the entire afternoon – almost 6 hours – building the bed. There were hiccups along the way – with wrong parts (I had to go out and buy nails for a workaround), wrong instructions, and even a damaged part. But eventually the bed was built – O finally has a bed after more than 2 years of sleeping on stacked mattresses on the ground!

There was literally no way I could have built it on my own. Apart from the fact that it was a loft bed requiring two people to build (at some point, I even needed to help hold up a section, while one of the guys guided the parts to fit together), there was no chance in hell I would have been able to troubleshoot my way through the wrong parts and wrong instructions. I was so touched and so grateful for their help, that I started crying after they left. I had promised O I would get a bed for him, but he wanted a loft bed, and I didn’t know how and when I was ever going to deliver on that, so I’m so relieved I’m finally fulfilling a promise to him. O and F were like: “Mama are you okay?” I was like: “Yes, I’m just so touched that the two uncles came over and spent their entire Sunday afternoon helping us build your bed. I’ve been feeling like such a shitty mum for making you sleep on the floor for so long. But there’s no way I could have built the bed!” And O was like: “Oh you’re happy, and grateful.” I’m not sure the kiddos necessarily understood the concept of happy tears before this, although F said he did when I asked him later. F put his arms around and gave me a big hug – what a sweetheart.

I’ve been watching a TV series called “Parenthood”, which includes the Gilmore Girls actress who played Lorelai, about three generations of the Braverman family – their lives, and their ups and downs. It’s been kind of interesting to see the different types of issues each family and each person faces, and how it is resolved. The great thing about this (I know entirely fictional) TV series is that the family has each other to lean on, even if there can also be tension, and dramatic moments (watered down for American audiences of course). I guess that is something I miss about being here. In Malaysia, there is the wider family. Because I see them only once a year, it’s always nice to see them, and I don’t get any of the tension and drama that I would get if I were to be living in Malaysia all the time. But I have cousins who have siblings, and I guess the siblings are their own unit, and then every so often the different families’ lives intersect, usually for special occasions, or family gatherings. Watching this series, I sometimes really miss that warmth, chaos, gossip, help, and laughter that comes with family. In a way, the closest thing I have to that sprawling family feeling in London is the gym crew – because there are quite a few of us – and we are quite different, but have some things in common, and all connected by one thing (in our case, gymming), which is kind of characteristic of “families”. When I thanked MHH for helping me out with the bed, he replied: “You’re welcome. Family helps family. ALWAYS” <3 <3 <3