Cousin J and I grew up together for a few years. While in some ways we are very similar… definitely some of it ‘nature’ rather than ‘nurture’; in other ways we are almost polar opposites, perhaps as a result of our different experiences (friends, school, uni, career) – both from our perspectives, but also the way we express ourselves. Although in some cases, we may have similar views, but just express ourselves differently.

I was telling her about a couple of situations I found myself in last year, where I thought the situation was slightly bizarre, but because I was a guest / intruder and already felt slightly awkward, and I wasn’t sure whether the behaviour was “normal”… hence, even though I found things slightly strange and was somewhat internally stunned, I pretended not to notice anything and acted unfazed like it was totally normal. Much, much later on, I wondered if I was expected to “read” anything from the situation, and / or take any action??!! Did I accidentally offend by not decoding the smoke signals??

She was like: “ROFL ROFL ROFL OMG. The thoughts that ran through my mind were exactly like yours! I can visualise it happening, and I want to be a fly on that wall!”

But she agreed that if she were in my position, given the circumstances, she would probably have done as I did – pretended not to notice – but probably be quicker than me to make her excuses and leave. She thought it was hilarious.

Her speculation is that maybe because we grew up with guy friends, we see it as totally possible for nothing to happen, but maybe most ‘normal’ people expect things to happen in private spaces. I mean, since I started uni until I got married, I’ve spent time overnight in the same room, or some times even the same bed (or adjoining beds) with at least 7 guys, without anything happening – LS, LB, QT, PN, ST, BT, AJ… off the top of my head.

I’m totally not one for decoding smoke signals or divining tea leaves. I wonder if this is going to be an issue going forward. I haven’t really “dated” much, whether in Asia or in Europe, so I don’t know the rules, particularly here. Because I think in Asia people are more straightforward, or at least I could read people better because I understand the social norms and culture. Or to be fair – they just come out straight and tell me. People tell me “There are no rules!” But I guess there are some kinds of basic assumptions, which I don’t entirely understand. Hopefully I’ll get better at guessing and not offending over time. Or people will just be clear and direct. Someone said to me the other day “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now.” And I laughed, and said back: “No worries, me neither!” Lol.