I caught up on sleep (8h43m per the more generous Garmin, and 7h59m per the stricter Fitbit), which was great. And despite my body and brain dredging up excuse after excuse, I managed to complete my programmed 12-interval speed repeats. Albeit not quite as intended. The original plan was run at track then attend Hyrox class. In the end I ran at the gym, but did not attend Hyrox class (didn’t get a slot). And despite a very unpromising start (I felt tired, and grumpy, and not in the mood, and I didn’t like the music), I ended up completing 11 of the 12 intervals at a decent pace according to the treadmill (largely ~5:15 pace, with a 200M interval at ~5:00 pace), but my pace performance was haircut by Garmin. I then completed 100 wall balls (6kg) in 9:15, which felt heroic to me. The downside is I felt a sinister twinge at the top of my left quad again.

My run volume this month is almost approaching my peak volume in August 2024, when I improved my pace significantly. So I’m feeling cautiously optimistic for my next race. But need to stay injury-free.

Had a lovely lunch and afternoon of chatting with cousin sis, talking about all sorts. Fashion, Hyrox / training, her IVF, how I can maximise my opportunities to meet men, family, friends, men and not wanting to seem weak / stubbornness, dating, news / politics etc. We definitely get along better when we take the time to hang out and chat things through in a leisurely manner. It’s easier for us to talk through our different points of views, and better understand each other. Over text, I tend to feel either interrogated or condescended to, or be puzzled on why she is wasting my time with “irrelevant” questions or comments, whereas she feels I’m always complaining and sound really angry.

In person, it was actually nice to explore and discuss “irrelevant” topics that would irritate me over text. For example, fashion. She commented that she just realised that she and I have very different fashion sense (like DUH!! Which is why I often find it puzzling and a bit of a waste of time when she suggests outfits for me). She asked me how I developed my fashion sense. I was a bit like: “Huh??” And this would totally wind me up over text… because I would be internally going: ‘What do you even mean by “how I developed my fashion sense” Why are you asking? How is it relevant? You must have too much time on your hands, because I barely think about fashion anymore (even though I used to be super passionate about – buy Vogue magazines and wanted to be a fashion designer. So this would doubly irk me)’

But in person, she could explain: “Like what made you choose the type of clothes you buy and wear, is it trends, or do you see clothes as an integral part of identity” etc. Which clarified the question. I had never particularly thought about it, because I’m quite efficiency focussed and don’t think to overthink the ‘why’ of my day to day living. But after she clarified the question, I reflected, and responded to her question. I shared my influences – the very sleek and minimalist DKNY style of the 90s was the big influence on me. And even though I loved John Galliano’s over the top runway styles (a bit like early Lady Gaga), it just wasn’t practical. Because I like architecture, I also like architectural elements in fashion / clothes, and I like asymmetrical elements, which I something that I incorporate where I can – clothes, accessories, furniture.

We discussed everything from why and how her style developed to be so different from mine, the recent outfits which she had suggested to me, and her trying to understand why I like some bright and vibrant colours, but not the colourful outfits she had picked.

She shared that her fashion sense / style has developed out of her limitations. She adapts each seasons’ looks to what suits her / she can carry off. We discussed the summer dresses / outfits she recently suggested to me, where I was like “Hard pass!“to her suggestions, and I remembered being slightly irritated that I had to waste my time considering outfits which are so patently not “me”. But I did so, because I know she meant well – she always thinks I should dress better and make more of my looks than I do. And because she likes window shopping, and I know she’s bummed about her IVF, so I said fine to her helping me window shopping new outfits.

There was one outfit that I did really like the look of, and it looked great on her – but I didn’t buy it, because I thought it wasn’t “me”, and it wasn’t worth getting given the trade off between price point, and the use I would get out of it. And I explained how I do like certain bright dynamic colours, because it feels “me” – because I consider myself a vibrant and dynamic person. But the multi coloured outfit seemed more “chirpy, cheerful, and bubbly”, which I sometimes am, but far less often than my self perception of being a vibrant and dynamic person (which is core to my self identity, even when I’m tired). And then with an outfit like that – given the weather, how often I actually go out / have an occasion to dress up, my mood / personality… I might only get to wear that 1 day each year, especially since it’s such a memorable and striking piece… it just doesn’t make sense to get it. As it is, I have a few summery items that I love, but can only wear on rare occasions, so it’s a good thing that I have stayed roughly the same weight and shape since my 20s, so I can still fit into clothes I bought ages ago.

She shared her perspective that if my outfit or something about my outfit stood out (instead of being in my typical monochrome uniform), it could be conversation starter that could lead to serendipitous encounters where I could meet men. She says she gets hit on in random places, even the gym, even though she barely goes to the gym; and her friend always get chatted up in coffee queues (she doesn’t). I literally never get hit on or chatted up, except in clubs in my 20s (which is a slightly different situation), and very rare occasions (once or twice) when a passing stranger stops and tells me I’m beautiful, which I find really weird. I wonder if I just generally look stand-off-ish? Or maybe i look too practical / nondescript?

But hmm… she has a point… I guess I never particularly prioritised the social interaction aspect because I tend to be busy… so I tend to be very focussed and transactional in my daily activities (go into the gym and out again to get back to work, pop in for coffee and rush off to the next thing etc.), and I don’t chit chat not because I’m necessarily unfriendly or uncaring or rude… it’s just that I tend to pack a lot into my days, and I am constantly in a rush.

So it was really nice to have the time to chat. It’s good to have more free time, including time to have leisurely afternoon like one of those “ladies who lunch” from time to time.